Think vs. Feel, I Statements, & Minimizing Language
The conversations that we have with ourselves has been a frequently visited topic in my life this past month. I was even talking about it yesterday on the phone and I realized that we need to be talking about it more. Concepts like think vs feel, minimizing language, and “I” statements make up the foundations of creating a healthy narrative with ourselves. So lets talk about what these concepts actually mean and what they look like.
Think vs. Feel
The idea behind think versus feel is to become more aware of the language we use to describe ourselves and our needs. It is important be able to distinguish what we think versus what we feel because it helps us authentically communicate those thoughts and feelings to ourselves and others. When I say “I feel like I want to be alone” instead of “I think I want to be alone”, I am not actually communicating how I feel or what I need. Instead I could say “I feel overstimulated, and I think I want to be alone”. The concept itself seems simple, but you might be surprised by how often you interchange the words “think” and “feel” in your everyday conversations. For me, this was a huge realization, and practicing the concept of think versus feel helped me take ownership of my mind and body.
Recommended Reading: Difference Between Thinking and Feeling
I Statements
“I” statements are all about taking responsibility for our feelings. Similar to think versus feel, “I” statements are used to become more aware and in control of how we are communicating. When situations that are out of my control have a negative impact on my life, I tend to want to blame the situation. I have noticed however, that this approach doesn’t change anything. Blaming the situation, instead of using “I” statements, only takes control away from what we feel and what we need. If I say “I feel anxious because of this mess” instead of “this mess makes me anxious”, I take responsibility for how I feel and give myself a better chance of changing it. In order to change how we are talking to ourselves, we need to be okay with saying “this is how it looks from my side”. Using “I” statements helps us communicate this while also avoiding defensiveness, blaming, and other tendencies that might cause the listener (being ourselves or others) to shut down.
Minimizing Language
I don’t want to say I saved the best for last, but I did. And the reason that minimizing language is the best when it comes to communication skills, is because it makes such a huge difference. Minimizing language is the words we use that weaken what we are saying to ourselves and others. Words like “just”, “kind of”, “a little”, and “but” are a few among many words considered minimizing language. Take a second and think about how often you find these words in your daily vocabulary. I don’t know about you, but I use them A LOT. When I first learned about minimizing language and the difference that not using it can make, I was astonished at how often I use the words “just” and “kind of”. As soon as I decided to try to stop using minimizing language, statements like “I’m just tired” changed to “I am tired”, and “that’s kind of offensive” to “that is offensive”. I was amazed to find that these little words I was using so often were diminishing everything I was thinking, feeling, and saying. Without the use of minimizing language, we can communicate with ourselves and others more truthfully. You deserve to communicate without using “buffers” to soften the blow. You deserve to take ownership of your thoughts and feelings and to be confident in your message.
Recommended Reading: Minimizing Language Undermines Communication
Which of this skills have you tried or want to try? What words came to mind for you when considering minimizing language in your own life?
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