Whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between, you probably know what social anxiety feels like.
Social anxiety exists on a spectrum, being experienced at different levels of intensity depending on the person. It also varies by day and/or occasion. While it’s safe to say that most people experience social anxiety, it’s not so clear what causes it or the things that you can do to improve it.
What we do know is that social anxiety is often caused by inconsistency in behavior and/or action. That’s why knowing yourself well is vital in acting and behaving authentically.
So how do I confidently stay true to myself, despite social pressure and anxiety? I decided to break it down into 3 steps.
Step 1: Forgive, Forget, Change
Have you ever found yourself thinking over past actions or behaviors and wondering “what if”? Learning to break this thought process, and adopting a progressive growth mindset, is key! Try reframing regret into acceptance. I accept that my actions didn’t align with who I am, and that next time I want to…
Replaying these moments over and over again is like expecting a flower to bloom by continuously replanting it… it’s counterproductive and hurtful. It’s important to learn how to let go of perfection. Letting go of times when you weren’t your true self creates room. This opens up opportunities for new growth and new moments.
To change a particular action or behavior consider how it can look and feel. Engage deeply with your thoughts about how you want to be. Accept and learn from what you discover about yourself in the process.
Step 2: Recognize Strength in Numbers
To fully embrace what’s true for you, it is important to set goals, and make promises. Goals are best when they are specific, measurable, and attainable. Instead of the goal “journal more”, consider the who, what, when, where, and why of each goal. After creating new goals, it can be helpful to write them in a place where you look often. I like to make my goals into fun screensaver using Canva.
Recommended Reading: How to make your goals achievable
Staying true to your goals will help you stay true to yourself. And with goals, strength in numbers is a huge. Letting close friends and family in on your goals will promote self-growth and accountability. Ask the people in your life to be your accountability-buddies for your new goals. It can be scary to be vulnerable with others in this way. It is essential to find a safe way to communicate this.
Step 3: Embrace Your Authenticity
When you’ve committed to change, you’re ready to embrace your authenticity. You create specific goals for learning to stay true to yourself. This final step in staying true to yourself in social situations is perhaps the most important. It often requires a change from a lack mindset, or thinking you aren’t capable, to a growth mindset. As a human, mistakes and growth are inevitable and, believe it or not, are good for you. There may be things you love about yourself. There may also be things you wish weren’t a part of you. That’s okay. Embrace the things that make you, you!
Recommended Reading: Learning to “Be Yourself” with Social Anxiety
Final Notes
Social anxiety can be challenging, but it doesn’t have to control how you show up in the world. The more you understand yourself—your patterns, your values, and your goals—the more confident you become. You can also feel more grounded in social situations. Staying true to who you are takes intention, practice, and self-compassion. It’s not about being perfect. It’s not about never feeling anxious again. It’s about learning how to respond to that anxiety in a way that supports your growth.
Remember, authenticity isn’t something you have to find—it’s something you build, step by step. With reflection, support, and a mindset open to change, you can navigate social pressure while still honoring who you are. If you ever feel stuck, reach out for support. Connect with friends, loved ones, or a mental health professional. These connections can make a big difference.
You’re not alone in this, and growth is always possible.
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